Randomness- In no way educational

Quick one while I am waiting for a southpark episode to load “Thats not Rasslin, this is rasslin”.

The wordpress site allow you to see what people have been googling when they have stumbled across this blog. Heres some of the fun ones…. and some of the creepy ones

1. Drunk Girls throwing up: 28 people have found my blog looking for this.
2. Rosi Sexton Ass: seems you have a niche market Rosi get your arse out and make some money on a pay per view site.
3. Fit Chick in Singlet with big boobs: ok i can understand this one what with my love of boobs and singlets
4. What the fuck man sloth: no idea
5. paul mcveigh beat convincingly by chris david: fuck you whoever you are it was a split decision and I won the 2nd round.
6. Immense Penis: rather strange
7. Man Squatting Shitting: stranger still
8. Fat girls shitting: come on seriously.

What this little experiment has shown me is that I am not the biggest sexual deviant in the world, who would have thought it. It seems there are many more individuals looking at sicker stuff than me. Humph may need to step my game up..

Heres a conversation I had with one of the DNFT’s best athletes Danny “Boomtime” Gray. What you havent heard of him? Well thats cause hes a mad waste of ability and doesnt compete as often as he should due to having a big sandy vagina.

Heres a pic so you can call him on this if you ever see him.

Anyway me and “One gear” had a text argument with regards to the randy cuture, vera fight heres how it went

DG. What decision did you not agree with?

ME: Couture, Vera

DG. That was a good decision

ME: Daniel your devils Advocacy is not appreciated. If you honestly feel that couture won that bout you should go eat a dick.

DG. Paul I am not winding you up. Randy won that fight. He definatley done more than vera to win. Vera didnt do enough to win.

ME. Other than dropping him with a body kick, getting the only takedown , mounting him and landing the only noteworthy strikes. Pressing a dude against the cage in an effort to not get killed is not being effective. You are being ridiculous . You should probably have a word with yourself.

DG. Ill have a word with you ya wee shite. I think he won. Its open to interpretation I suppose.

ME. No its not Machida vs Shogun was open to interpretation. That was a Vera being srewed.

DG. Naw it wasnay you prick.

ME. I already had a low opinion of you ya diddy but now its sunk lower. You cant score a fight, you have a wee beardy back and you got a kicking of Sean Wright aff the telly for smoking tabs like a smelly student.

DG. Am gonna fuck you up ya wee leprachaun. Those are some low blows you hit me with.

ME. What you gonna do hold me against a cage and hope the judges like you better?

DG. Nah I am gonna punch you in the nose.

ME. Like that will do shit I have a cauliflower face i look like a klingon and am thus immune to facial punching. I am off to bed Ill catch you later dude.

DG. See ya bro.

Admittedly this probably isnt funny if you dont know me or danny and have never witnessed the back and forth banter. I thought it was humourous and he still has a wee beardy back.

And speaking of beards

Here is olympic swimmer Amanda Beard.

And again speaking of beardds and such as it movember and the entire gym (excluding those who puberty has betrayed i.e. me) is growing face fuzz its time for some techno from DJ Spirograph

My boy frakes would be so proud.

Random Sunday’s Musings 15/11/09

Its been a great week of training, watching fights, eating nandos and playing Modern Warfare 2. If I lived the rest of my life following this pattern I think I would be content.

1. How friggin good was Ross Pearson.  His bout with Aaron Riley was pretty much a masterclass in how to fight a southpaw. If you are fighting a lefty in the future I would study this bout and pick up some of the good stuff. Great technique, power and violence.

2. Just this weekend my copy of Mike Boyles Functional Strength Coach 3.0 arrived. As far as Strength and Conditioning goes I am a big Mike Boyle fan. I have not always agreed with 100% of his stuff but its always made me think. I have always appreciated his emphasis on logistics (the true limiting factor in strength and conditioning)

Im almost through the 8hours of DVD footage and I have picked up a lot of good stuff. One of the more contraversial topics was the elimination of bilateral squatting from athletic development programs.

He has his reasons and  instead of me repeating everything the video clip relating to this is here.

I dunno if I am 100% on this yet.

It all makes sense to me and to be honest my bilateral squat has always sucked. I can almost do the shift the same amount of weight in a Bulgarian Split Squat that I can move in a Front Squat which is weird.

It could be logistical problem for me. I hate having to many unilateral movements in a workout as it takes longer and the guys wont do it. Or it could be the fact that i have got years of programs with guys getting stronger Bilateral squatting. Or maybe im just a douche who cant let old ways go (surely im not old enough to be a grumpy fart).

I think a bit more experience in my part is needed before I throw it out just yet.

Then again a one legged squat with 100kilos of external load is pretty bad ass

3. I think its getting a bit old, what with me congratulating the guys everytime they win a bout. So I will just list the recent stuff over the last few months.

Ground Control

Scotty “the body” Ward wins middleweight advanced division. Also got the silver medal at the British No gi champs.

Thai Bouts

Jordan Calder, Mikey Wiseman, Jo jo (13-0 yeah), Lyn, Brian,

MMA

Quinny, Lovey, Doolan (Head kick like prophesised), Scotty Ward (Scottish title), Afterburner,

Jiu Jitsu Glasgow Open

9 gold medals, 2 silver

I have probably missed some guys out but its, your own fault for winning everything.

4. I freaking now love wrestling who would have thought it. Back on the good end of the learning curve, everyday seeing progress its ace. Singlets are bitching too. I want this one.

4. Hot Girls are hot….fact

 

the guys noticed logans wee finger on sat. I thought the were messing with me as i was all jacked up on Red bull and red food colouring. Turns out they were right

 

Reading list and musical inspiration

I am one of those curious people who seems to multi task (read procrastinate) like I had a fully developed vagina. At any one time I’m usually Reading 3-4 books. Here’s a quick list of the books I’m Reading at the moment. This is also a quick experiment on using the iPhones wordpress app so bear with me

Currently Reading
Assess and correct manual- Mike Robertson, Eric Cressey and BIll Hartman

This came as a PDF download when I bought the A and C product. It’s a great resource for improving your assesment skills and correct any problems you find. A lot of the corrections I was aware of from their previous products but having it all in one place and in more detail is coolio.

Drop Dead Gorgeous- Wayne simmons

A high school friend made me aware of this one. If there’s one thing I like more than zombies it NOTHING. Zombies rock all. The fact that this paticular apocylypse is based in Belfast with all the sectarian undertones I have missed since moving to Glasgow (eh hang on a minute) and that only super stunning chicks are turning into zombies makes this a really fun read.

The greatest show on earth- Richard Dawkins

Sometimes I which I could adopt father figures. My ole man is cool and all but it would be nice if you could tell people “oh yeah well randy couture is my dad”. Dawkins is up there on that hallowed list that includes Richard Attenborugh, johnathon frakes and batman.

The book acts as a compelling evidence for the already compelling FACT of evolution. It covers everything from fossil records, to breeding control in plants and animals, to the so called missing links (there are tonnes of them) and much more irrefutable evidence supporting the theory.

The fact that 40% of people in the US and a growing number in Europe are sceptical of this theory would be hilarious if it wasn’t so frigging tragic

Music I’m listening too.

On the eve of war-Jedi Mind Tricks and the RZA

Ace song improves boxing footwork 27% factoid

New album-Biffy clyro
Ever listened to the lyrics of a biffy song, proper madness nonsense, great tunage though.

Abagail- King Diamond
Can only listen to about 3 king diamond tracks before I want to staple my scroat to a chair due to his high pitched warbling. But for those first two tracks I’m all over it.

So this app is a bit wank I can’t embed YouTube and it capitalises the world Reading. Good first try though see you tomorrow.

Getting Better Faster- MMA Skill Training

We have a little bit of a break from the norm today. One of the ways I intend to use this blog site is to improve my ability to coach others. I am fortunate to have stumbled upon this game at the right time and have had the opportunity to train with some really good people.

As a result of this and a bit of hard work I get hang out with my mates and train all day. Coaching has given me a lot so I should probably get really good at it and give something back.

For this brain fart on game development I am going to use jiu jitsu as an example but the principles can be applied to wrestling, mma and Muay Thai.

The Role of the Coach for the Novice

Initially your coach in combat sports is there as a guide. He will help you identify the important positions and what postures to adopt when you are there. You need to know how to react when you find yourself in

• Mount (Top and Bottom)
• Side Control (top and bottom)
• Back mount  (top and bottom)
• Knee Ride (top and bottom)
• Guard (top and bottom, standing and on the knees)
• Half Guard (top and bottom)
• Open Guard (top and bottom)
• Turtle position (top and bottom)

The importance of knowing how to posture in all these positions is stated so often that it can sometimes falls on deaf ears but its importance cannot be emphasised enough.

Once you know how to posture you will want to develop techniques to apply from the major positions. Your coach will guide you through the mechanics of individual techniques. A good rule is to develop 2 offensive moves (submissions) and 2 transitions (sweeps, escapes) from each position within reason. Obviously there are not a lot of submission opportunities from under side control.

When you have this down and are effective against resisting opponents you are on your way to having a decent all round game. Additional techniques are added according to your schools syllabus and your own development via seminars videos etc.

Taking Ownership

At the Griphouse Gym we have been encouraging our athletes to take ownership of their skills training. We encourage them to see what other techniques are out there, we are constantly posing and answering questions and tell them to be constantly thinking about techniques and strategies.

Ultimately you are responsible for your development as an athlete, by taking ownership of your skill training you can develop the game you want to have. Do you want an Inverted de la riva guard like Cobrinha?

• In that case buy his tapes,
• watch his fights,
• drill the shit out of his moves,
• work sparring drills starting in the inverted de la riva and work to position,
• Work sparring drills focusing on entries to the inverted delariva
• Spar with guys who like to use standing passes.
• HAVE EXCELLENT BASICS AND POSTURE

It is all too fun to start working on advanced techniques before mastering the basics. For most of us a 4 week period of working of a closed guard with a collar grip would have more carryover into sparring performance than the above outline.

Writing Shit down

This is a big deal and was for a long time It was one of those things I thought I should do but never actually did. It was only when working on writing a syllabus of required techniques for the Griphouse Jits class that I realised I was outlining my own jiu jitsu game to a certain degree.

There are numerous benefits to this. First of all you get to see where you holes are and what needs addressed first.

• For me I realised i didnt have a sound sytem from Turtle bottom other than being mad scrambbley.
• It will also highlight left to right skill discrepencies, I found out that I only had one decent pass that to the right, severely limiting my offense.
• Your game is reinforced. You may know millions of techniques from guard but when you spar with a high level guy your game becomes very basic. Build around the stuff you do really well and develop combinations of attacks and what if scenarios.

I like to list my game plan by the grips I use. From the basic position Closed guard (Bottom) I can move to many different Guards categorized by different grips heres a quick example.

Closed Guard to Sit up Guard (hand on Lat, up on elbow, elbow on back, knee pressure)

• Kimura– Back Sweep—-Kimura or Triangle
• Back sweep —- guillotine
• Back Sweep—– stand up and sprawl—– back take
• Switch when opponent hides arm
• Transition to Lat hook if opponent drives head inside

Lat Hook Guard/Overhook Guard (lat hook or overhook grip knee pressure slight hip escape)

• Triangle series
• Omoplata series
• Transition to sit up guard
• transition to williams guard.

Flow Rolling

This has been a new addition to the gym training. I picked this up from JT Torres video series “how to be a brown belt no gi world champion”. The idea behind this concept is that for a specified amount of time you tell your opponent what to do and what you are doing.

If you are working on passing you might go into a knee slide, then ask you partner to defend with a knee shield, you could then push the knee down and smash with your hip and pass to side.

This is a great way to reinforce your game and put into practice what you have written down.

The easiest way to explain it is with a video and i will get one up as soon as i can.

On Another note

I realise i havent posted anything hurtful, upsetting, scantily clad or funny in about 800 words now so what you think of this.

Going through a vikki Blows phase or Im just lazy

and finally heres an account of a resourceful Inuit ole boy.

One of the cultures you celebrate in Light at the Edge of the World is the Inuit. What do you most admire about them?

Davis: The Inuit didn’t fear the cold; they took advantage of it. During the 1950s the Canadian government forced the Inuit into settlements. A family from Arctic Bay told me this fantastic story of their grandfather who refused to go. The family, fearful for his life, took away all of his tools and all of his implements, thinking that would force him into the settlement. But instead, he just slipped out of an igloo on a cold Arctic night, pulled down his caribou and sealskin trousers, and defecated into his hand. As the feces began to freeze, he shaped it into the form of an implement. And when the blade started to take shape, he put a spray of saliva along the leading edge to sharpen it. That’s when what they call the “shit knife” took form. He used it to butcher a dog. Skinned the dog with it. Improvised a sled with the dog’s rib cage, and then, using the skin, he harnessed up an adjacent living dog. He put the shit knife in his belt and disappeared into the night.

 

Laterz

 

 

 

 

Random Friday Musings 6/10/09

My favourite part of the blog is back. This is pretty much where I go on an egocentric rant and tell you all about my days and random thoughts. Do not fret however as I will post up blog bird at the end.

1. On Wed I sat down to what i thought would be some relaxing man time. I had just made myself an awesome vension Steak Ciabatta Sandwich, had a nice mug of tea and was watching guys assault easy other on TV.

Then the world got shitty while eating this Gourmet sandwich i managed to break one of my wisdom teeth…. on freaking bread. I then went on to ignore the searing pain in my head, tried to fix it, adopted positions that made it hurt less before finally drowned the fractured tooth in tequilla, It worked well and 24hrs later I have a fixed grill.

2. After getting the tooth fixed i was told to not do any contact stuff for a bit, but we had “wear a singlet night” at wrestling and no way am I missing that. It was ace, there is something liberating about your opponent being able to estimate the exact size and direction of your junk via vaccumformed lycra. I tried to get someone to take a picture but it was felt that the gayness would have destroyed in photographic equipment.

3. New Favourite band Girl Talk

4. Im not one to rip on a paticular form of training like crossfit. If anything gets people moving im for it. My stance on it is its not optimal for athletes looking to develop strength and power and Coach Glassman is a wacky bastard. But having done a lot of crossfit stuff in the past and hanging out with guys who love it, this video is amazing.

“Im like a godddam navy seal, an olympic gold medalist wrapped in a suit of fucking body armour. Im fucking Elite”

Heres another one about squatting

5. The Griphouse Gyms weightlifting program is in full swing and should be producing some good results. Is it optimal for athletic development, nah probably not. Is it better than getting stabbed in the pancreas, takes only 20  mins 3 times a week and the guys will actually do it, hell yeah.

Sometimes being a strength coach isnt about finding the optmium sometimes it is about finding the most practical. Those awesomely programmed and periodised 2 hr workouts werent getting done by guys who worked all day then wanted to do 2-3hrs of skill training. Ill post it up here next time.

6. I like girls i like the idea of guns….this’ll work trust me

And vicki blows too for the hell of it

Losing Fights Blows Goats

I have always said that I dont like fighting, I like winning fights. This can be taking a number of ways but what im personally trying to convey with this is how much I frigging hate losing.

Its not just fights. does anyone remember the gym bowling trip where Meat beat me and I threw an otherwordly strop? Or anytime I play Guitar hero with a newbie and they feck it up?

So anyways I just lost a split decision to US fighter Chris David. It was an interesting fight he is a great wrestler and his ground and pound and control against the cage is world class. I did some cool stuff and some retarded shit that im still getting heat for 3 weeks later. All in a good experience although it did take me about 2 weeks of daily carbacide before i started seeing the positives.

Turns out Chris is a super cool guy  we hung out for a couple of days after the fight and had some adventures mostly involving alcohol, Scottish Cuisine and a healthy dose of sexual harassment.

The Good

• First up I am like super fit come fight night, i think i really have got a handle on fight conditioning and it seems to me to be a pretty simple equation.Tonnes of sparring + being comfortable in every range + a little turbo hard conditioning= Good to go come fight night.Despite losing, the cardio wasnt an issue.
• Ive gotten pretty good at using the cage to get up to my feet, i think i did it like a million times in that fight…yep definetly close to a million. Problem being that means i got taken down like a million times Baws!
• Managed a few takedowns when i was trying to even things up on the scorecards against a great wrestler, cheers Kieran.
• And from the second round on I defended the takedown pretty well, Just forgot to even attempt defending them in the first. Oh and those big triangle advertising blocks at the bottom of the cage are total c units when defending the takedown.
• Defended the ground pound well and kept moving my hips and standing up a lot.

The Bad

• I forget to throw combinations or work my footwork properly. Relied too much on single shots. Didnt set anything up.
• Takedown defense in the first was attrocious.
• Entire first rd was shit only really started fighting from the 2nd.
• Backed up straight when he was coming forward
• Forgot to dig underhooks on a couple of the stand ups

The Horrendously Ugly

• I fell of his back in the last 90 seconds, scrambled like a mofo to get back up to where i could do stuff and ended up with a Chris David on my back, ultimately losing the fight in the last 90 seconds all because of a white belt mistake.
• Pulled the worlds worst guillotine.
• Pulled the worlds worst lateral drop.

So theres a brief summary of what I did and what I learned. I think the Jiu jitsu might need to go on the backburner for a bit while i get my striking and wrestling up. But as always learn from the mistakes, take heart in the positives and never stop analysing your game.

Oh and cheers to everyone that helped get me ready for the biggest fight of my career.

Congrats to all the guys who competed on Eurofight Extreme. We all had tough international opponents and we showcased Scottish (or in my case Scirish) mma as a force.

In recognition of Rev Doolan’s head kick KO heres some thai girls

 

 

Guess who is back….

…. well its me innit?

Sorry for the delay but the whole moving house, not having broadband, completing Fallout 3 twice (once as a nice guy and then as a total fucker), Batman Arkham Asylum and general stuff that has to be done to get the powers that be to give me the aforementioned house got in the way of this blog.

I was NOT jacking off while covered in my own faeces while crying and beating my face with a brick as Mainsy has suggested.

There has been some opposition to this wonderful resource of late. Here is what the Reverend Jimmy Turbo Doolan had to say

He accidentally let me into his plan, the messages in his magazine articles are all part of the mad bastards scheme for world domination.

readers of fighters only magazine beware, if for some reason you find yourself standing in front of the bathroom mirror in the dead of night, stretched out foreskin in one hand, kitchen knife in the other, thinking it’s ok I’ll chop it off, post it up to Paul and my place on his space ship leaving earth on judgement day is secure..don’t do it, and stop reading McVeigh’s articles so much

His accusations are just absurd enough to be quite convincing. Worry not for I am not an extraterresterial messiah piloting a noah ark type vessel which can only be powered by foreskins.

In other news im fighting along with all my mates on a mega show at braehead arena. Eurofight Extreme is set to be Glasgows first gigantor show the card is bitching and im glad to be a part of it.

My opponent is  dude called Chris David, real dangerous and experienced and freaking mental.

We did a reply video it was entirely to serious and respectful so we went for the opposite end of the spectrum and dabbled with strangeness.

I still have no idea why I was on a giant man’s shoulders, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

I am getting a lot of chat from people asking about our program design and stuff and ill start posting some things up and get more video on the site. But for now heres some…..

And because I love you, all of you but you especially…..

I seem to like tattoos at the minute anyhoo see ya tomorrows for some useful stuff BRATTTT!

Random Sunday Musings 19/07/09

1. First up huge congrats to all of the guys who competed at the Hostile Territory Fight Night in Alloa. 6-1 is a freaking awesome result and is a testament to the hard training and all the work put in by our athletes.

Oh and your coaches are pretty smart too.

2. I spent most of this week down at Manchester training with Karl Tanswell and his guys. I had a great time and Karl clearly knows way too much stuff about mma.

I think what makes him unique is that he was the ability to create techniques and systems that most people dont consider with regards mma. His stuff really blurs the lines between striking, wrestling and jiu jitsu. I myself have never had a single original idea in my life so I really appreciate getting to workout with guys like this.

I think you will be seeing some hella wondorous stuff from Karls guys in the future.

3. To round out my week of club whoring I headed down to Sor Thanikul to check out a Crezio De Souza Seminar. This almost didnt happen but after numerous texts and threats Martin agreed to take the hit and drive us down. Really enjoyed it. It was great to add some new things to my game but in paticular it was cool to experience crushing violent pressure from top game from the man himself.

I think a lot of us ease off on this while drilling and sparring as we are being nice but balls to that no one likes me at my gym anyway so you fuckers are getting matt smeared by 70kg of fury on Monday.

3. I really hate feet they make very little sense to me.

4. Myself, Jimmy Chang and Excitement Myn Dyn have been experimenting with our pad rounds recently and have been implementing some more mma techniques as opposed to straight boxing and thai. Many of you guys already do this but for me its relatively new.

While using the coach spar mitts your pad holder can call combination’s shots, clinch stuff and at any moment the fucker will shoot on you preferably when your in the middle of a combo. When we did this the result was everyone was knackered, pad holder, pad hitter people watching. Ill post a video up when it starts to look less like a cluster fuck.

5. Its only a few weeks till Glasgows biggest mma production, in Braehead arena. The fight card is bitching, check it out here http://eurofightxtremefc.com/

6. One of the things I am thinking is that maybe the key to being a great mma coach isnt your technical proficiency. I am sure this helps but I think guys like Greg Jackson might be as respected as they are due to their organizational skills and there ability to get their fighters too the people that can improve them. When you are successful you attaract the people with the skills you want to impart.

Theres a confidence built within a fighter when he knows what he is to be doing every week and day up until the fight. The coachs job is to analyse the opponent and ensure the fighter has improved since their last bout in a way that will be of benefit them in the upcoming fight. Simples right.

Admittedly im an organisational mess most of the time but ill work on it.

As a coach you have to be Like a Boss

Although I do advise against chopping your own balls off.

8. She is probably my favourite thus far, peace.

Suicide girls rawk

Random Saturday Musings 11/07/09

1. Ive been a busy little book worm this week managed to get through Practical Programming by Mark Rippentoe, Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, Got fight by Forrest Griffin and I have started Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk. Here is a one sentence review of each.

Practical Programming- was good, i like for the most part.

Outliers- to be successful be smart enough, work really hard, be fortunate and be Chinese. Really interesting study on how the self made man idea is baws

Got Fight- Forrest Griffin has made the book i always wanted to make, he mentions his penis, fighting and Chuck Norris its immense.

Pygmy- murderous foreign midget operative invades America posing as a foreign exchange student, possessing awesome violence skills and an unhealthy obsession with sodomy. Good book.

2. This made me pee my pants, literally i had a momentary loss of self control, it amazing cause Natalie Portman seems so sweet and nice. Who would have thought she was a bad ass.

3. Been training hard this week but I haven’t been eating well or implementing recovery strategies consistently. Result i am a frigging mess, you only realize what things like foam rolling and EQI’s are doing for you when you lay off them for a while.

4. Good luck to all the guys competing today, cant wait to see what Neil does.

Bricks request today

he likes old chicks

Random Friday Musings 3/07/09

Its been another good week of training and misadventure.

1. Our guys went 3-0 at the Viper Fight show on Sunday. Wins for Andy “No Fear, War Machine, Shock and Awe, Big Eyeball tattoo on his heid” Hilhouse, Kimbo and Afterburner. Graham “Afterburner” Turner was great in his bout against the very talented Bobby McVitie utilizing a great Stage 2 Ground and pound game for the stoppage.

Being molested by Graham was really helpful in the development of our ground and pound stuff as he did a lot of this stuff naturally, article demonstrating stage 2 to follow on Tuesday (maybe).

2. Ive finished my maximal strength development phase and I am now starting my inseason resistance training. By inseason I mean the resistance training I do in the lead up to a fight. My aims here are to maintainthe strength developed earlier and hopefully transfer that into an improved rate of force development.

I switch from 4 days of weight training to 2 days of weights and utilise the contrast method. This is were you combine a lift with an simalar explosive movement, eg. Bench press to med ball chest pass.

This has worked out well for me and a lot of others in the past and still leaves me able to train at a high intensity during technical training and sparring.

3. On Tuesday I was in Hampden Stadium  with several thousand Drunken Glaswegians watching AC DC. Now despite these boys being old as shit and Angus Young looking a bit like Mo Mowlam/Golem we had an awesome night.

Lots of Rock, sweaty middle aged men, people being bald and having long hair at the sametime, 1 pair of boobs on the big screen and a girl peeing in street all made for a pretty special night.

4. On Wednesday we had Rodrigo Medeiros at the gym teaching a class. If I ever come close to his level of coaching ability i will be mad pleased. Everything he covered was high percentage and even the stuff i thought I knew pretty well was given a few tweaks. The guys a pimp.

5. Im off to see Walking with Dinosaurs this weekend, I know… I am 12, dont care its gonna be awesome.

Maeve chose this one as I put up pics of skanks apparently.