My favourite part of the blog is back. This is pretty much where I go on an egocentric rant and tell you all about my days and random thoughts. Do not fret however as I will post up blog bird at the end.

1. On Wed I sat down to what i thought would be some relaxing man time. I had just made myself an awesome vension Steak Ciabatta Sandwich, had a nice mug of tea and was watching guys assault easy other on TV.

Then the world got shitty while eating this Gourmet sandwich i managed to break one of my wisdom teeth…. on freaking bread. I then went on to ignore the searing pain in my head, tried to fix it, adopted positions that made it hurt less before finally drowned the fractured tooth in tequilla, It worked well and 24hrs later I have a fixed grill.

2. After getting the tooth fixed i was told to not do any contact stuff for a bit, but we had “wear a singlet night” at wrestling and no way am I missing that. It was ace, there is something liberating about your opponent being able to estimate the exact size and direction of your junk via vaccumformed lycra. I tried to get someone to take a picture but it was felt that the gayness would have destroyed in photographic equipment.

3. New Favourite band Girl Talk

4. Im not one to rip on a paticular form of training like crossfit. If anything gets people moving im for it. My stance on it is its not optimal for athletes looking to develop strength and power and Coach Glassman is a wacky bastard. But having done a lot of crossfit stuff in the past and hanging out with guys who love it, this video is amazing.

“Im like a godddam navy seal, an olympic gold medalist wrapped in a suit of fucking body armour. Im fucking Elite”

Heres another one about squatting

5. The Griphouse Gyms weightlifting program is in full swing and should be producing some good results. Is it optimal for athletic development, nah probably not. Is it better than getting stabbed in the pancreas, takes only 20  mins 3 times a week and the guys will actually do it, hell yeah.

Sometimes being a strength coach isnt about finding the optmium sometimes it is about finding the most practical. Those awesomely programmed and periodised 2 hr workouts werent getting done by guys who worked all day then wanted to do 2-3hrs of skill training. Ill post it up here next time.

6. I like girls i like the idea of guns….this’ll work trust me

And vicki blows too for the hell of it


This will be my attempt to breakdown the multi faceted world of facial melting. Over the years due to sucking at stand up striking I spent a lot of time on ground and pound and have developed a system that has been working well for our athletes.

Due to the dynamic nature of the sport these principles are not set it stone. There will be exceptions to every rule. However in the beginning of your journey towards being the next Fedor you should incorporate these principles and then with experience you can break the rules. I hope to give you a system that will allow you to wail away on your opponents head and avoid all those pesky arm bars and triangles

This is a huge topic with very little information; you can pick up a DVD instructional on every aspect of your favourite obscure guard variation but will struggle to find anything on one of the most fundamental aspects of mixed martial arts competition.

We will start the journey with Top Guard and give an overview of the program from there.

Basic Postures

There are 3 identifiable stages when striking from within an opponents guard. They are

Stage 1

Stage 1 Safety Position

Stage 2 High Postures and Hip Drive

Stage 2 High Postures and Hip Drive

Stage 3 Standing postures

Stage 3 Standing postures

The damage that can be inflicted tends to increases as you progress through the stages but unfortunately so to do the risks of reversals, submissions and scrambles.

Stage 1 The Safety Position

Stage 1 is your bedrock and the safest position you can adopt. Anytime someone even sniffs a submission on me this is where I go to. Its offers you safety, a reset and a recovery.

Follow these rules and you will be a complete arsehole to submit or move from guard:

  • Hand Position

By keeping the hands on the shoulder or biceps you limit your opponent’s offense. To do anything to you he needs an attachment; an over hook, head control, a foot on the hip. With this posture you control the attachment.

The forearm choke position is a variation on this position and designed for those who like dropping hellbows (scary elbows). You are increasing the possibility of a back take or an arm bar but so long as you control the bicep, do not put to much pressure on the neck and are aware of these dangers you should be golden.

  • Never put hand on mat

If you touch the floor you will have problems. I have worked with too many guys who, if they get an over hook ,will ruin me. Keep hand position correct.

  • Keep toes tucked

One of the things that I found while attacking one of my training partners was their desire to demonstrate his 420kg leg press on my 67kg frame. With the toes flat I went arse surfing across the mat with toes tucked I kept hold of an ankle and ended up in Stage 3 which is way preferable. Keep the toes tucked it will make your life easier.

  • Follow hips

This is huge. Your opponent has very limited offensive options if you mirror his hip position. Think about it; nearly every single offensive technique that can be utilized against you requires an angle. Take that angle away and you will have much more fun.

  • Head to chin contact.

Ok so spike elbowing your brain repeatedly does not require an angle. To avoid this keep head to chin contact thus negating this space and avoid a scar that could make your shaved head look like a Willy.

  • Clear attachments

If an opponent does manage to get hold of you; get rid of the attachment. It only takes a second to get rid of the attachment then your back to your game plan. The videos below show the best way to clear some common attachments safely.

Seeing somebody trying to strike will being in a deep over hook is tragic to watch and usually ends with that person getting nailed with a triangle pretty soon afterwards.

A good saying that has stuck around in the gym is “break the grip then break then face” I have always liked it.

  • Basic combinations

And finally we get round to actually punching people. Again develop your own combinations based on your body type, preferences and game plans. Body body head is a pretty safe place to start then working on tying up wrists can be fun. If the principles are in place youll figure this bit out yourself. Ill post some videos of ground and pound sparring when i get a chance.

See you next time.

this is what you get if you type hotness into google

This is a quick one folks. When I was a personal trainer in a normal gym people would often tell me that my meal plans and eating schedules were unfeasible.

The food was too expensive, tasted crap, took too long to prepare, blah blah whine. The bottom line is that if you are a interested in fat loss, nutrition should be your main focus. Learn what you can about it and start doing things right. If that means finding some extra time for food prep you just do it.

As I am a total dick i used to love to make people do horrible metabolic circuits or interval training only to tell them that they burned about the equivalent of the Powerade they drank during the session. Its a great reminder of the importance of nutrition.

Nutrition doesn’t just apply to those trying to lose weight. If i eat well my performance in training is much better. Its just a happy coincidence that it helps make me totally jacked and tanned.

“Not now chief I’m in the fucking zone” I love guidos.

I am a big fan of the whole Precision Nutrition program and the Gourmet Nutrition cookbook was one of the best things I have ever bought. However with fight training I have been getting shit lazy with everyday activities like cleaning up, preparing food and maintaining basic standards of personal hygiene.

What i have gotten good at is making sure I get decent nutrition with virtual no preparation or cooking. Heres an example from today.

  • 8am 4 egg omelette- 4 eggs, half an onion, skank load of tomatos, peppers and mangetout. I chopped everything up the night before. Prep time about 3 mins
  • 11am protein shake- 2 scoops, big whack of raspberries, banana, flax meal. Prep time about 1 min
  • 2pm- Cottage cheese blueberries and some almonds. Prep time about the time it took to take of a lid.
  • 5pm- Pre packed Chicken breast with no mu spice stuff, green beans and red pepper. Prep time about 1 min
  • 8.30pm- John West no drain tuna, balsamic vinegar spray, sugar snap peas. Prep time about 10 seconds
  • 11.00pm- 100g herb ham. Prep time it took me a while to find it in the fridge.

Apart from the omellette (i use the name in the loosest sense it was scrambled eggs with vegtables really) nothing required much more prep than using a tin opener. I do like to cook but if im short on time its cool to know that i can get great nutrition without eating crap.

If I do eat something thats a bit shit its because ive chosen to do so not because im forced too by circumstance.

Now get some Famke Jansen


1. Are you an elite level Jiu jits guy? Have you only got rudimentary striking and takedown ability? Want to be successful in MMA?

If you answered yes to these questions, wow thanks for reading my blog, your much better than me and I probably would give a nut to have your game. Anyhoo, I have seen a big half guard trend in mma of late. Cant take a guy down no problem pull half guard and sweep him.

Just this week we have seen great half guard work from the likes of Martin Kampmann, Andre Galvao, Shoalin and Jeff Curran.

Half Guard has gone from being a position where you get melted to an offensive position for sweeps or for standing back up. I have been playing with it for a while now and im much more comfortable in half than in full guard when mma sparring.

2. Miguel Torres vs Takeya Mizugaki gave me a massive chubby. Both Guys leathered each other for 5 rounds and had great conditioning. For me this was fight of the year so far. One day i hope to get to the level these guys are at. Bantam and Featherweight bouts are always amazing.

3. My Winnings Gloves are winging there way to me from Japan. These are supposed to be the best gloves in the world and are great for guys like me whos hands decide to periodically disintegrate. Either that or ive been suckered by marketting. Great service from the site as well.


4. Great article on teaching power cleans here by Tom Oberhue.

Power Cleans of Doom

5. Special thanks to Will Smith for helping me with my Hill Sprints (VIA iPod) “Getting jiggy wit it nah nah nah”


Ok I know i claimed that there would be a veritable treasure trove of strength and conditioning information for you guys to feast on when i started this blog. Instead you made do with drunken antics, random waffling and scantily clad ladies.

I appreciate you for still being here and in return here is the first part of the putting it all together series. Soft Tissue Work.

As a full time coach i end up doing a lot of stuff. I honestly believe that without foam rolling, stretching and EQI’s id probably be dead by now. OK maybe not dead but I would definitly be carrying around a lot more injuries and my quality of movement would suck the big one.

In my first brain draft of this article i wanted to write about awesome stuff like Golgi tendon organs and autogenic inhibition. But I have come to relise there is a definate correlation between me dropping knowl(edge) bombs and being called a fag by the Firestarter and No Love. So heres the dumbed down version.

Physical activity will effect your musculoskeletal system. If you pick up heavy stuff you will get stronger. If you dont move around much you will get adaptive shortening.

If you are alive chances are you have certain muscles that are riddled with adhesions and scar tissue. These muscles are commonly shortened, hypertonic and not preforming optimally.

Foam rolling and the like can reduce the amount of these adhesions and scar tissue and improve the muscles tone.

Leading too:

  • Improved Mobility and Range of Motion
  • Improved Quality of movement.

No longer will you have to look like a goon doing the overhead lunges during line drills and if your moving better its less likely  Gazz will kick off on you during one of his inverted guard classes.

Sample Routine

I use 3 pieces of kit for my soft tissue work.

1. A roller/the video below features my home made one. This video was made with guys pulling faces and exposing their wangs off camera, i feel my professionalism shone through . Heres what I am looking to hit in each position.

  • Calves- Gastocnemius
  • Calves outside- peroneals
  • Thigh Front- Quadriceps (rectus femoris) and a bit of Tensor fascia lata
  • Thigh Side- Illiotibial band and vastus lateralis
  • Thigh inner- Adductors
  • Upper Body- Latissimus Dorsi

2. The next piece of equipment I am using is a soft ball. Its smaller and the pressure is more focal making it useful for getting at certain muscles.

What we are looking for here is:

  • Sole of foot- plantar fascia
  • Arse- Gluteals and piriformis
  • Armpit- Infraspinatus and teres minor
  • Chest- Pec Minor
  • Hip- Tensor fascia lata

Ill add the last piece of equipment in tomorrow or whenever i have time.

This is an example of pretty decent soft tissue management program. Obviously do both sides of the body and the durations will depend on what you find in the muscle. Spend longer on areas that make you want to cry and less time on areas that are not so bad.

Initially i would recommend trying to get this done everyday. Over time as your soft tissue quality improves you will need to spend less and less time on the movements.

Heres a request from the G-Unit

This should be an awesome weekend, Loveys fighting thai, sportfight is on and the afterparty is shaping up to be carnage.


P  Nice

Ive been having a great time of late. Training has been bad ass, placed on offer on a flat, seen Metallica and celebrated Guys 40th Birthday. Here is some things that occurred during this time ill let you guess at what event each took place.

  • Lovey destroyed a mosh pit full of teenagers like Godzilla
  • Jason and Garry “firestarter” Christie got barred for life from the strip joint mentioned in a previous post.
  • Paddy O’Brien (i hate how he’s significantly more Irish than me) got twisted drunk and sang the “gay bar” song at Karaoke. Only to forget all but two of the words  (see the title) and make animal noises throughout the rest of the track.  The sexy dance interlude  with bam bam was amazing though.
  • I used a devastating spider guard sweep to drop brick on his head and compact his spine a few inches in a sumo suit battle. He countered with a dropkick and was declared the overall winner.
  • I got caught saying “this flat is fucking shite and looks like a tramps arsehole has been living here” by the owner.

1. As i sit here my legs feel like they have been run over by a bus and my arse is so taut (like a tiger) i could use it as a snare drum. Here is why

Death sprints

Apologies for the stalker breathing and the use of the word “rapey”.

Bottom of the hill

I think its important to have a few aspects of training that you literally dread. The act of overcoming something physically demanding is great for a fighter and breeds mental toughness. In sparring if your the best guy (I really don’t have this problem) you can slack off and coast. Unfortunately theres no hiding behind a superior skill set here its simply a matter of pointing your balls (or ovaries sorry Jo) up a hill and going as fast as you possibly can.

I woke this morning and spent about 20minutes thinking up excuses for why i didn’t need to do it, “I trained six hours yesterday feck that hill”,”my legs are jacked form weights”, “I am already fit, I dont want to its too fucking hard” and the best one “i think I have sand in my vagina”.

Did it anyway and feel like a king now…… A really sore, immobile king that cant stand but a king none the less.

Outstanding achievement award

2. John West no drain tuna is my new favourite thing.

Its a handy 36.7g of protein and its dolphin friendly if that makes you happy. Personally i feel that meat tastes better when you know a large range of animals have suffered but that’s just me….. goes out to make sure PETA haven’t kicked in my door.

3. I made a new foam roller out of a drain pipe i had lying around the gym. I thought i was being resourceful everyone else things im being a c-unit.

4. Ok my secrets out. Im pretty much immune to the wily charms of the opposite sex. I dont read nuts magazine and use words such as phwoar. Nor would i follow a girl in the street just to see where she lives, then set up camp in some nearby bushes with duct tape and cable ties. I know i am losing man points but i cant seem to care. I have been out of the game for 10 years with the one-gina condition and perving requires way too much effort.

So if anyone can recommend some decent blog birds for me to litter round this page ill appreciate it.  In the mean time ill play it safe with a picture of Jessica Alba’s arse.

Stay classy guys.

Ok so for any of you who follow Eric Cressey’s brilliant blog at you will quickly see that i have stolen one of his ideas and barely changed the title.

This weekly blog post will give me the opportunity to brain fart new ideas and let you know what sort of antics have occurred during the week within the gym.

1. I think the isometric portion of MMA activities needs to be trained.

2. Jiu jitsu is probably the worst thing you can do to your spine and hips. Muay thai and boxing arent great for your thorasic spine. No wonder mma guys tend to look like this

Good posture for boxing is bad posture for nearly everything else

Good posture for boxing is bad posture for nearly everything else

3.  After catching Watchmen today i relise my entire career in mma and strength and conditioning is based around the fact that i want to be a superhero.

Had mad camel toe throughout the movie

Had mad camel toe throughout the movie

4. Myself and Alan Love have come up with a new game. Its called Loki. Apparently Loki was a bit of a dick. The premise is that you enter a room where respectable people are gathered and say something horrible or cause some other mischief. Brick is current champion by writing “jizz on a baby” with hils fridge magnets.

5. I love the fact that i can say the most hurtful and abusive things to my friends and they dont seem to give a jobby.

Awesome abuse thread

Next post will be on foam rolling.

Where I rob my ideas!

March 3, 2009

Let me begin by giving you an insight into my typical morning. First of all i crawl out of bed, switch on my PC, grab a shower and other things beginning with S, play about with a foam roller and then check out the latest blogs in my Google reader.

Heres a list of some of the ones im reading at the moment and steal from on a regular basis.

Absolute Gold Fitness

Conditioning Research

Eric Cressey

IOL Strength and Conditioning

Mike Boyle

Mike Robertson

Rosi Sexton

Dewey Nielsen

And before i forget

that outfit matches my gold txedo

that outfit matches my gold txedo

No ones ever got dumber reading something, except maybe heat magazine.

Proper blog post tomorrow

Welcome to my World

February 27, 2009

So anyhoo i think my ego has finally plateaued with the creation of this blog. I mean there is something inherently conceited about those who publish their daily musings on the internet and expect others to give a feck.

Im just that person.

As well as using this blog as a tool for self gratification I hope it will allow me to formalise my ideas on stuff like:

Strength and conditioning For Mixed Martial Arts

I really feel a lot of us are missing the boat on this one as MMA people (is there a collective noun for us?) tend to be a masochistic breed. Find something hard do it till you want to die, vomit artistically then go do some more training which is primarily cardio based. We love cardio and rarely train for power, when everything we do is cardio intensive anyway arent we operating using a form of anti logic.

Mixed Martial Arts Tactics

I think its true to say that I have never had an original idea in my entire life but I am pretty good at putting the various aspects of MMA together in a systemised way. I hope you agree.

Random Pictures of Hot Burds

Someone told me this is a great way to get readers

I cant guaranteed that all the ladies will be packing heat

I cant guaranteed that all the ladies will be packing heat


Im fortunate enough to get to play with some of the funniest people ever on a daily basis. Whatever gold pops up you’ll find it here, for example

I will leave you with a question,

“Would you rather have a monkey butler or a panther that kills on command?”